Being Suzanne Mosley

Express Yourself

2012-02-11T06:00:00.000-05:00

Art day yesterday; each child's favorite project:

Colson's african mask

Ava's sculpture of a person holding things

Zach's portrait of Ava sitting in a chair

My Childhood Sexual Abuse Story, Part 15

2012-02-10T06:00:00.000-05:00

Over the past 10 years, it started becoming clear to me that I only had a handful of choices for how the rest of my life was going to go.

1. Kill myself

2. Continue holding it all in for as long as I could, maintaining unreal relationships with my family and others and feeling stifled

3. Get it out somehow, deal with the aftermath, and move on with clarity

10 years ago God brought a person into my life who loved me so obviously, so extravagantly and so completely that option number 1 seemed the most selfish choice I could ever make. Then God sent 3 smaller people into my life who were going to be so affected by who I was as a person that option number 2 wasn't going to be good for THEM.

So it became apparent that door number 3 was the way to go. As I said before, I started small, talking to isolated groups in my family. My husband, then my closest nieces, then my parents, then my siblings, and finally the police. While talking to my nuclear family was a good start, it was not enough. Some didn't really want to hear, and others had a hard time hearing it, which made it hard for me to say all I needed to say. Don't get me wrong, those discussions were all helpful and had to happen regardless of how they made me feel. The reactions of my family were all understandable and not surprising to me.

But I couldn't wait until everyone else felt comfortable with the subject before I started making myself feel better. My children had waited long enough for me to figure this shit out. I knew I wasn't going to start breathing easier until I was able to say everything I needed to say, in my own way. I've been writing this blog almost every day for 3 years, so it was a natural venue for this.

I'm a writer and an artist. I've been creating and performing and emoting through public expression since I was 6 years old. I spend way too much time in my own head, public expression has always been my outlet.

I know there are some who don't agree, but personally I'm glad I went with door number 3.

A Very Long Story (by Ava)

2012-02-09T11:00:00.000-05:00

For you newbies, my 9 year old daughter Ava has an amazing gift for illustration. She can tell a whole story by drawing one face. I found this stack of paper yesterday, which ended up being her longest story ever written. Enjoy, there are some hysterical moments.

(My personal favorite moments are, of course, the gross fat lady in the hole and the little girl's expressions of disgust at her awful habits. The fairy grandmother being chased by the pumpkin and yelling "I cannot run in high heels". I love the little girl's hair in her face as she falls down the hole. I love the people bowing to the Queen at the end, being glad that at least this queen is skinny. The little girl falling into the dead pumpkin and saying "I seem to have landed in the pumpkin"...so many gems in this story.)

Happy Birthday to Melissa

2012-02-09T06:00:00.000-05:00

Melissa, the once 10 year old heroine of my story, turns 34 today. Not to wax poetic, but today for her birthday I will give the rest of you a blessing in her honor:

May you teach your children to be like Melissa; intuitive enough to see the truth through the excuses, brave enough to do what is right over what is comfortable, and loving enough to be patient while everyone else catches up.

(My other birthday gift to her is to post a ridiculously funny story written and illustrated by my daughter Ava. Melissa dies for her stories and pictures; that gift is forthcoming.)

My Childhood Sexual Abuse Story, Part 14

2012-02-08T06:00:00.000-05:00

I want to speak to an interesting comment from yesterday's post. Anonymous wrote:

I have been following your blogs and I am just curious... your friend above who goes to a church where there is a known child molester/sex offender, you mentioned a part where he served his time and now he has a chance to move on and turn his life around. Are you implying that without going to jail, floyd can not in fact turn his life around? Because you are making it sound like because justice can not be served in the way you want it, he can not be changed or get help... And with sunshine's suggestion above.. that sounds spiteful to me. It doesnt sound like you are really concernced with him getting help which could lead to making it more safe for children around him. I feel as though you are more focused on the justice part and him being "raped in prison" (just harping on a comment you made in an earlier blog) part rather than being proactive about further instances.. Do you honestly believe that people cant/dont change after 25 years?

Great question. I have never been one to say there's only one way to skin a cat. I certainly do not think jail is the only way to turn your life around. But I do think that it takes a visible, tangible and monumental act on the part of the offender to show people there's even a chance they can turn their life around.

A lie lived over 25 years, and constructed into the foundation of the next generation, demands a confession of great architectural depth if repair is to avert demolition. - Eric Lewis

If Floyd hadn't been outed by a little 10 year old girl, he would have continued his felonious behavior for god only knows how long. Probably until I was old enough and ballsy enough to hide a knife under my pillow and stab him in the heart the next time he tiptoed into the room. (In essence, Melissa saved his life as well as mine.) His deviant actions over the course of those two years had only progressed, not declined. The frequency had increased, and the actual act had progressed from touching my breasts, to masturbating while touching me, to masturbating while touching me in front of his sleeping children. His boldness had increased, to the point of ripping my towels off in front of people and vaguely referencing the sexual abuse to my face in front of people. Progression in a sexual deviant is a scary thing.

Progression usually doesn't just stop, does it... Can it? Of course. People do stop things cold turkey. But cold turkey takes a LOT of willpower. Floyd certainly hadn't displayed that he was a man of great willpower. And remember, when confronted Floyd lied about the extent of the abuse for three years. In that three years he was living as if he had confessed and repented when, in reality, he'd pulled a fast one on my family. That doesn't bode well for long term trust.

Let's say someone quits smoking cold turkey after years of a pack-a-day habit. If they fall off the wagon for 5 minutes once in 25 years, that doesn't matter a hill o' beans. They're only killing themselves, it has no effect on anyone (secondhand smoke notwithstanding). If that smoker never tells anyone he snuck one once, no one will care. If a child molester who's quit cold turkey falls off the wagon and molests a kid once for 5 minutes in 25 years, that's a much bigger deal. If he never tells anyone he "snuck one in once", there's a much bigger consequence. Those of us with young children can't afford a child molester falling off the wagon for one second.

I believe that God can change people. I've seen it happen. I also believe in statistics. God would not have given our brains the capability of seeing patterns if He didn't want us to see patterns. Based on the exhaustive research of criminal experts, patterns show the probability that Floyd did this to another girl is high. That does not mean it's a guarantee he touched another girl. But I have to go with the statistics because he's given me no reason to do otherwise. There has been no tangible monumental act to hang my hat on. So he has to fight against those statistics, that's a price you pay when you commit a felony.

Personally, it doesn't matter to me if Floyd has or hasn't become a better person, changed his life, whatever. I mean, come on. "Loving my enemies" to me means not killing them. This is as loving as I can get. What matters to me is that no other child has to live through my experience because of him.

Floyd has done nothing to show anyone that he's dealt with his sick deviant inclinations. He needs to do something to make people feel a little bit more comfortable considering him a member of society. What is that something? I touched upon the answer in an earlier post, one that Anonymous referenced in his/her comment. I also suggested in another post that perhaps there was another option for dealing with a child molester.

I listed a few "wants" that I had in regards to Floyd, and I said that they were just that. Wants. Based on my emotions.

There are plenty of things Floyd could do that would encourage people to accept he may have changed. Counseling would be one. Getting an unbiased, medical opinion on the state of his deviance. Prison would have been another. Some sort of statement of apology would be a start. Manning up and telling his children himself. Even just one of these actions might be something, but when you choose NONE OF THE ABOVE, you have to accept that people are going to question the legitimacy of your claims to change.

The onus is on the sex offender to show that he/she isn't going to continue being a sex offender. And unrelated evidences can't be used to prove change. "He's been a good father", "He helped me out financially a few times", "He helped his kid get out of trouble", "He prays before every meal", "He's memorized the entire book of Philippians", "He feeds the homeless and knits socks for soldiers and ties pretty little bows around stray kittens necks"...Apples and oranges. None of those things speak to SEXUALLY DEVIANT BEHAVIORS TOWARDS CHILDREN.

If you want me to buy your car and I know the transmission is shot, you can get the exterior waxed, get the brakes changed, get a new tailpipe, polish the rims....the transmission is still broken. You won't be able to sell that car to me, nor to anyone with a modicum of good sense. You may find a handful of idiots who say, "Oooh! Pretty rims!" and hand you cash without checking to see if the car drives, but most adults will say, "Stop showing me the rims and the tailpipe, let me test drive the damn thing." You need to show me that the specific problem has been spoken to in some way. You need to either prove the transmission has been fixed by showing me paperwork from the auto shop, give me an extended warranty on that specific problem, or drop the price of the car by a huge amount so I can afford to fix it myself.

Either way, if you want to sell ME on that car, you need to work hard. Or you can just take the car elsewhere, find some schmo who doesn't know the car's history. You have the freedom to do that.

There are professionals out there who have spent their lives studying child molesters and learning how to help them. The average Joe cannot, I believe, speak to the change of a child molester. The average Joe cannot even comprehend the mind of a child molester, so how can Joe guarantee that child molester is fixed? I'm not walking into a lion's cage unless a certified lion tamer tells me it's safe. And probably not even then. Siegfried and Roy proved that sometimes even experts get it wrong.

And how do you even test a child molester's change? Who's going to let their daughter be the guinea pig? Anybody? Anybody? Bueller? Bueller...? Bueller....? *chirp......*chirp.....

Exactly. If you have a daughter, or even a son, you're not letting your child spend time with a child molester, changed or otherwise. None of us are playing around with a fire this hot. I send my children into the world every day, knowing that they will probably come into contact with an unidentified child molester. That takes great faith, to not zip my kids up in a bubble. But to let them have contact with a KNOWN child molester, that's not faith. That's dead brain cells.

So what do you think? Do you just assume that because a long time has passed, Floyd has changed? Does time change all things for the better? Can you assume anything in a situation like this? Would you need to see some action to show that your child molester had dealt with his behaviors or would you be able to just accept that time had changed him?

Floyd is continuing to lie to this day. He knows that I haven't shared everything he did to me. I wonder if he'll ever be honest about it all. Someone who lies over and over and never tells the whole truth cannot be trusted by me.

But you can make your own call.

My Childhood Sexual Abuse Story, Part 13

2012-02-07T06:00:00.000-05:00

So what happens now?

The original goal was for Floyd to be prosecuted and to spend some time in prison. If that had happened the way it was about to, his name would have been in the paper and he would have had to register as a sex offender after being released from jail. We all could have rested a little easier knowing that he would never have been able to coach another young girls' softball team, never again worked with kids in a church. We'd be comfortable knowing that parents who were so inclined could find out he had been a child molester and keep a close eye on him.

But now we don't have that peace.

While many child molesters walk among us unidentified, it's ridiculous not to tag the ones who we KNOW are. While Megan's Law may not be constitutional to this libertarian girl, the concept is fantastic. It's a concept that I believe should be implemented in the way it seems my blog is doing right now. People who have been victims of sex offenders should tell everyone they know the name of the offender. Shared information.

One of my nieces goes to a church where a convicted child molester attends services. While it's uncomfortable for her to have to look at him and know what he is, she takes great comfort in KNOWING what he is. She can always turn her radar up to high when he's around. This man has served his time and now has a chance to turn his life around, but he has to do it in a controlled environment where those around him know what his crime was.

In biblical times, Floyd might have been cast outside of the city walls, with no access to children. Or he might have been stoned. Or castrated. Unfortunately those specific options aren't available in these modern times.

So is this blog enough? Or should something more be done? What if Floyd's attending a church right now? What if he's working with a youth group? What if he's still coaching girls' softball? Do I/we have a responsibility to do more than just this? If so, what would that "more" entail?

You as readers can certainly do your part by forwarding this story to every parent you know, maybe not specifically to warn them about Floyd, but to inspire them to think about what they would do if this situation affected their own family.

Prior preparation prevents poor performance.

My Childhood Sexual Abuse Story, Part 12

2012-02-06T06:00:00.000-05:00

Your comments have been very thoughtful and educational, not just for me but for others reading this story. Please keep them coming! Here's another question for you: Do you think there should be a statute of limitations on prosecuting child molesters? There's no SOL for murder, but there often is for rape and child molestation.

After thorough interviews with key players in the family, the investigators informed me that my date of birth made it impossible for the state to prosecute Floyd for the felony he committed. It was all set to go, plans were being put into motion, but somehow the year I was born had been overlooked. The DA caught it and informed the investigators that there was nothing they could do at this point. The PA child molestation statute of limitations law changes depending upon your year of birth. It was a major disappointment for all of us. The investigators have compiled a file with all of the interviews and videotapes, so that will be on record at least.

Is there a part of me that's outrageously angry at my family for not turning Floyd in when this first happened and getting it taken care of right away, when it would have been easy? Of course. Is there a part of me that's hating myself up for not realizing all of this 8 years ago, when I would have been able to prosecute? Of course. But I'll get over all of that eventually. Floyd got off scot-free twice before, why should a third time surprise me?

The child molestation statute of limitations law in PA is pretty archaic, comparatively. The Sandusky Penn State mess is forcing the state to review the SOL laws, as a few of those boys are too old to prosecute as well, so there may be a time in the future when Floyd can be prosecuted. Every state has different SOL laws but many states have been revising theirs because it's becoming very clear that most child victims of sexual abuse don't start coming to grips with it until they're in their 30s or 40s.

So I guess the moral of this story is, if you perverts are thinking you can fuck around with children and get away with it, well, you can. Just make sure you pick a child like I was, extremely introverted and introspective, good at hiding things away for long periods of time. A child who is very obedient, very quiet, a peacekeeper. Oh wait, those ARE the kinds of kids you creeps pick. You lowlifes aren't as dumb as you look.

But just remember. That introverted, introspective kid who is the perfect choice to become the victim of your felonious, deviant sexual behaviors is probably going to be the perfect choice to become something else, too.

A writer.

My Childhood Sexual Abuse Story, Part 11

2012-02-03T06:00:00.000-05:00

Do you think it's possible to handle a child molester without getting the police involved?

At the time Floyd was found out, my father was against State involvement. He believed everything should be taken care of within the church family. I'm not one to ever say there is only ONE way to handle anything, but I certainly think a child molester needs more of a plan than just, "Confess, repent, we forgive you, and it's over".

Would it ever be an option, if the church is going to handle a child molester on their own, of putting a plan into place that includes:

long term counseling for both the offender and the victim
removal from any position of authority
pressure put on the offender to remove himself from any position that places the offender around children, with threats of police intervention if that doesn't happen
long term counseling for the spouse, the children, the extended family
full disclosure to the other families in the church
if the offender leaves that church, the police should be called, thereby forcing the offender to stay in a place where he's watched and held accountable

What do you think? It is possible that a plan like that could have some effect? My husband and I have been attending Christ's Church of the Valley for a few years now. Being a megachurch with a bazillion members, the feeling there might be a little different than at a 200 member traditional Baptist church in the late 80s, but I'd be curious to know. For those of you involved in leadership at a church, what would your plan of action be? Would you immediately call the police? Or would you try to handle it within the body of believers?

My Childhood Sexual Abuse Story, Part 10

2012-02-02T06:00:00.000-05:00

Why do some people react the way they do upon hearing a horrifying story, like one of child molestation?

Why is it so hard for some to just call the police? If your house was robbed, you'd call the police immediately, with no thought of the robber's family, their children, their spouses, their livelihood, their spiritual status.

If you walked into your home and found your wife and 3 children stabbed to death, you'd immediately call the police. You wouldn't stop to consider the murderer's family, their children, their spouses, their livelihood, their spiritual status.

If your child was kidnapped, you'd immediately call the police. You wouldn't stop to consider the kidnapper's family, their children, their spouses, their livelihood, their spiritual status.

Why is this different? Why do some people get stuck when it comes to child molestation? In my case, I'm sure the fact that the abuse was intrafamilial played a huge part. If I'd been molested by a stranger, I can't imagine my family wouldn't have called the police immediately. But because the molester's spouse was my sister, his children were my parents' grandchildren, the line became blurry.

Joe Paterno was told by Mike McQueary in the Penn State scandal that McQueary SAW Sandusky having anal intercourse with a boy he estimated to be 10 years old. Joe Paterno did not call the police, he reported the incident up the chain of command. Why were both of their reactions so skewed?

You could argue that the Penn State situation was intrafamilial too. That football organization was so longstanding, and the leaders so respected (even the criminal), that even in the face of IRREFUTABLE evidence, the bystanders couldn't have an unbiased reaction.

McQueary SAW a boy being raped by Sandusky. Floyd CONFESSED to molesting me. Yet these evidences weren't enough to spur people to action. It makes you believe that the influence of the leaders was so strong and the atmosphere of the organizations so thick that people second guessed their own instincts.

Families are organizations. Football teams are organizations. Maybe what we're seeing is the danger of organized groups and their leaders?

Discuss....

My Childhood Sexual Abuse Story, Part 9

2012-02-01T06:00:00.000-05:00

More on how I arrived to this place after 25 years of hiding:

While the incident with my daughter's pictures was one of the first trigger moments for me, it wasn't the first. The first was a day maybe 6 or 7 years ago when my brother Eric came to my house to talk. He and I had been estranged for a good 5-6 years at that point, so this visit was a huge surprise.

We talked for a long time, and in the course of that conversation, the molestation issue came up. I was shocked when Eric started telling me how he felt after he found out what Floyd had done to me. It was the first time anyone in my family had shown a reaction at all to the situation, and we were 19 years past it. I could barely breathe as he used words like "disgusted", phrases like "it changed my feelings towards him"...He then disclosed to me other information that he knew about Floyd, relative to deviant behaviors.

If you know me at all, you know my greatest talent is my ability to not react. I was using it to the fullest that day, but in reality my insides were a raging mess. I couldn't believe the effect that just hearing him speak those words was having on me. I felt like someone had lifted one of the hundreds of cinder blocks off my chest.

After he left, I couldn't shake my crazy emotions. I felt on one hand so relieved to hear just one person in my family verbalize what I'd always thought deep down inside, but on the other hand so stupid that a few spoken sentences could make me feel so good.

I spent the next year ruminating on that experience, trying to figure out why my brother's words that day had such a monumental effect on me. Looking back now, it all makes sense. He was the first one to vocalize the truth of what had happened. He cracked open a door that had been locked, spackled over, sanded and painted to look as if it wasn't there anymore.

What started pouring out of that door might not have been pretty, but it couldn't have stayed in there much longer without starting to rot me from the inside out...

My Childhood Sexual Abuse Story, Part 8

2012-01-31T06:00:00.000-05:00

I have two points to make today. The first further explains why I chose to write in graphic detail about my abuse.

I got so tired of hearing from some in my family phrases that started with, "Yes, Floyd molested you, BUT..." and were followed by, "...he's a good father" or "...he helped me financially once" or "....he repented." Those buts started making me want to scream, and let me explain why.

For all of my life until now, I'd either heard the previous statements expressed or felt them insinuated by most in my family. As a young teenager, I figured those statements must be true so I accepted them as my own. When I tried to make friends throughout my life and the friendships would get to a point where I felt compelled to share my story, I'd use the previous statements. And that's when those friendships would end. Those statements are CRAZY to the general population, so they assume the person uttering them must be crazy too. I spent 25 years trying to explain away a child molester to everyone I met, making myself as much of a social pariah as a child molester.

THERE CAN BE NO BUTS AFTER CERTAIN STATEMENTS.

There can be periods. There can be no buts. Let me give you an example:

If I said to you, "The sky is blue, but frog legs taste like chicken", what would you think? Would you respond, "Agreed, that makes total sense!" Or would you smile and nod your head, while backing away slowly so you could make a quick getaway when the men in the white jackets showed up?

Now, I could say, "The sky is blue" and then say, "Frog legs taste like chicken!" Two independent statements, neither has any bearing on the other. I don't seem crazy, I just seem random.

I can no longer hear anyone use a BUT after saying, "Floyd molested you." Because that sounds crazy to me, and I'm no longer participating in crazy. This is what I hear when you use a but: "Floyd molested you, but frog legs taste like chicken..." Crazy, right? You have to be able to say, "Floyd molested you PERIOD".

And I believe that saying PERIOD is important not just for the victim but for the offender. The offender needs to know that there is NO excuse for what he did. Floyd has heard those BUTS for 25 years too. Saying PERIOD is important for my family too, to erase all the blurriness that surrounds this whole issue.

If, after saying PERIOD, you want to say, "Floyd is a good father", that's your prerogative. But you have to acknowledge what is objective, and acknowledge it followed by a period. Good is a subjective term, and everyone has their own definitions for that word. Floyd is a child molester. That's not a subjective statement. Now, maybe you want to argue over the "is" in that statement, we can certainly address that in another post.

My graphic writing has eliminated the BUTS in my mind, and maybe in some others'.

Okay, point number two. I've had a lot of conversations about child sexual abuse in the last week, and one opinion that may be out there begs some discussion. I'm wondering if there is anyone out there who considers sexual abuse of a child in the same realm as adultery, or sex with an adult?

I know what my answer is to that question, and I know what the professional answer is to that question, but I'm curious as to what YOUR answer is to that question? When you are feeling horny, when you haven't had sex in a long time, do you occasionally think about finding a 12 year old to mess around with? When your marriage isn't going so well, do you ever consider turning to a child to satisfy yourself?

I'd love to hear your comments on that topic. If any professionals are reading my posts, those in the counseling field or the law field, I'd love to hear your perspectives. Can you relate child sexual abuse and adult-to-adult sex at all?

Profile of a child molester.

Marital status doesn’t correlate to whether a person is a sexual predator or not. KEY FACT: A man deprived of sex does not morph into a child sexual predator. Molesting children is about preferring the power position and avoiding vulnerability. The taste for sex with children is separate from a normal human adult sex drive oriented to adults.

Wikipedia definitions of child sexual abuse and offenders:

Situational offender – does not prefer children, but offend under certain conditions.Regressed – Typically has relationships with adults, but a stressor causes them to seek children as a substitute.

The Molester's Mindset:

Often a child abuser acts less from genuine libidinousness than from rage, impulse or a simple desire to dominate another person.

This is a great book, written by an FBI profiler for professionals who are investigating child molesters. I read through the whole thing and found it very informative and eye opening.

My Childhood Sexual Abuse Story, Part 7

2012-01-30T06:00:00.000-05:00

Reader Christopher Donohue left a comment on one of my earlier posts that ripped my heart into little tiny bits and rolled around in my head all day yesterday:

I somehow came across your story today and it resonated (via being an INTJ) which recalled many of my childhood horrific memories which I still struggle with to this day even at 41. I commend you for sharing your experience from your childhood. No one should suffer via the hands of another in what ever form.

I know this as I suffered from being brought up by a drug addict, turned alcoholic who inflicted abuse upon me from the age of 7 onwards (being hit with heavy items, left out in the cold in the nude, starved, made to stay awake and paint ovens (bright green or blue) and appliances in the middle of the night, made to lick up dog excrement, etc) along with suffering molestation by a scout leader and being constantly bullied at school. This along with being told I did not belong and that I came about due to the cause of rape has had a heavy burden on my life, of which I have only recognised the true impact (via by at times self destructive behaviour) in the last few years. I had spent many a year trying to run away from my childhood. To add to that having to turn off my mother's life support system and continue to raise and care for my intellectually disabled half sister, whilst my mother's siblings continued to abandon us has been detrimental to say the least. Yet I somehow managed to become moderately successful in my career.

What partially keeps me going is knowing that many others have suffered worse than I have and we all are affected in different ways however big or small the event. I would like to know what benefits there may be in graphically outlining your awful story, and what you think you may get from it. This may help me with my journey. Good on you for sharing. One of the miracles of technology is the ability to link with others and share stories in the hope that we all learn and empower others.

My heart was beating out my chest reading Christopher's story. I found it interesting, the similarities in our ages when we started realizing the source of our lifelong struggles. I am 38 years old, and it's only been in the past few years that I've realized the impact of my childhood sexual abuse. Being a highly intelligent girl, I never wanted to admit that an event from my past could have such a profound effect on my psyche, my behaviors, my choices. I was too smart for that, right?

But a few years ago God started turning lights on in the hidden rooms of my brain, forcing me to admit that the abuse I experienced and the lack of attention paid to it had affected every single decision I had made since. It had affected the way I viewed myself. It had affected the way I handled relationships. It had affected the way I dealt with my family. It had affected my ability to deal with the minutiae of everyday life. There wasn't an aspect of me that wasn't touched by this experience. And that realization was mortifying. It occurred to me I'd spent the last 25 years being so embarrassed about the effects of the sexual abuse but not one minute being sad or angry that I had BEEN sexually abused and that it had been for all intents and purposes, ignored. How do you begin to get past something that's never really been named? Something you've never let yourself be angry about?

I started talking about it again to Melissa. Long phone conversations on my drives home from dance practice late at night....she started encouraging me to talk to more people than just her, mainly my family. I'd analyze and reanalyze and over analyze and hyper analyze until I came right back around to where I'd started. But Melissa kept at it. And finally, I told my husband how I'd been feeling. He'd known about the abuse, but we'd never really talked much about it. I'd never let him in to that part, but after I did I felt like my airways were a little less constricted and I could breathe a little freer.

Once I did that, the ball started rolling quickly. I told my parents about my new realizations not too long after that, and then my siblings. But my sense was that 25 years of cobwebs weren't going to be shaken off so easily, not from me nor from my family. Like my brother Eric said so eloquently yesterday, when a lie has been built into the foundation of a family, the repair bill is going to be a huge expense. It also seemed to me that when something so shocking throws everyone into a fugue state for 25 years, only something equally shocking will shake everyone out of it.

Writing my story in graphic detail was what I needed to shock those hidden parts of my brain back to life. I've never been a "share my feelings with the group" kind of gal, but once I realized that was what I needed to do for myself I couldn't tiptoe around it. Now I can't help but to talk, because people who read my blog are asking me about it in real life. People are bringing it up everywhere I go. It's the antithesis of who I am to do something that encourages people to talk to me, especially about something personal, but I knew that's what it was going to take for an introverted introspective "J" girl like me to move forward.

An unexpected benefit from writing publicly has been the flood of personal emails, calls and comments, some from friends and some from complete strangers, who've been touched in some way by this story. Family friends from my past have had interesting insights into my story, complete strangers have felt compelled to share their own stories of abuse, casual acquaintances feel like they know me better after reading my posts, old friends now understand why I sometimes behaved the way I did. The feedback I'm receiving has been so helpful to me. I'm a data lover; pieces of information, however minuscule, are fascinating and relevant to me. I love that people are feeling compelled to share this data with me.

So, Christopher, hopefully that answers your question! I pray that you will have the strength to continue with your quest to find personal peace. For me, although my faith in Man was shaken to the core, my faith in God's sovereignty is what kept me from ever becoming completely submerged in the pit of depression. I appreciate your comment, and am privileged to virtually know you! Press on, my friend, and keep in touch...

My Childhood Sexual Abuse Story, Part 6

2012-01-28T06:00:00.000-05:00

A lie lived over 25 years, and constructed into the foundation of the next generation, demands a confession of great architectural depth if repair is to avert demolition. - Eric Lewis

My Childhood Sexual Abuse Story, Part 5

2012-01-27T06:00:00.000-05:00

How do I respond to a question asking, "What is it you want from Floyd now?"

A series of events during a five year period led me to this day. One of the first of those events occurred about four years ago. I was going through some pictures of my children as toddlers, pictures from a time before I had a digital camera. I came upon a few pictures of my beautiful daughter. She was probably 18 months old in the pictures. I was immediately overcome with the realization that in these pictures my daughter looked exactly like one of Floyd's daughters, one of my nieces. One of my nieces that I've always thought looked more like her dad than my sister.

I had a knee jerk reaction so severe, so unlike me, that looking back on it I can barely believe it really happened. I covered my mouth with my hand and felt nauseous, because my brain looked at that photo and processed the information as, "YOUR DAUGHTER LOOKS LIKE FLOYD". Without a second thought I jumped up, ran the pictures over to the shredder in my bedroom and shoved them in the slot, my heart beating so fast I thought it was going to explode. As I watched the pictures being destroyed my brain was saying over and over again "GetRidOfThem GetRidOfThem GetRidOfThem GetRidOfThem!!!!!!!"

Those of you who know me are probably reading that in a little bit of shock. You know me as someone who doesn't act impulsively. Someone who analyzes every word and move for eons before acting on them. So you can understand why this incident left such a lasting impression on me.

Not five seconds after the last picture was torn into hundreds of strips, it hit me. "Idiot, it's genetically impossible for your daughter to look anything like your brother-in-law. If your daughter looks like your niece, it must mean your niece looks like your SISTER! So it follows that your daughter looks like your SISTER, dumbass!!"

I hated myself so much in that moment. The realization that my daughter looked like my sister would make me nothing but proud because I love my sister, but my messed up psyche made me believe something impossible for a few seconds. Seconds that I could never get back. And I started crying. I felt stupid and embarrassed. I realized I needed to start taking care of that messed up bit of my mind that could inspire such ridiculous behavior in me.

I started seething, hating Floyd again. Hating him so much I wanted to act on it. Hating him for implanting screwed up information in my childhood brain. Hating him for doing something so damaging to me as a child it would cause me as an adult to destroy my beautiful daughter's pictures, pictures that I could never get back.

So how do I respond to that question? I can easily respond with what I WANT from Floyd, I've thought about that most every day of my life. Sometimes I've even dreamed about what I want. My dance partner turned lifelong friend Richard (Half of Team MandM) explained in heart wrenching detail about how as an abused child he used to daydream about bad things happening to the guy who abused him. My wants are all emotion based....Do I say:

I want my daughter's pictures back?

I want the memory of your f***ing ugly face with its stupid eyes rolled back in its head and its fat mouth hanging wide open while you jerk off out my head?

I want you to perform castration upon yourself?

I want you to spend 5 years in a prison cell spending each endless day dreading nightfall because you know your big bald tattooed cellmate named Tiny is going to roll you over in your bunk and make you scream like a little girl?

I can say all of those things and they'd be true WANTS. And I can say those things and still be a Christian. I don't expect all of those things to actually happen (although I've heard rumors about Tiny). And they're not necessarily what should happen. I can separate emotional wants from practical expectations.

The point is that it shouldn't matter what I WANT from Floyd. What matters is what he SHOULD do, regardless of my feelings. He should apologize to me as an adult for his crime. He should apologize to my entire family for his crime, now that they all are aware of the enormity of what he did and its effects. He should preemptively turn himself in to the police as soon as possible and confess to any other criminal acts he's committed. He should get himself into some sort of treatment/rehab program to deal with whatever caused him to commit this crime in the first place. There's a lot of things he should and could do.

This isn't about making me feel better, it's about paying consequences for felonious actions. I'm assuming those consequences will make me feel just as good as some of my emotional wants would, we shall see.

(Also, I just want to make another quick point. My parents made the mistake of being too naive. While that was an egregious mistake, it was not a crime. Only one person in my story committed a crime. A felony, even. We all make mistakes as parents, even egregious ones. I have no doubt that in 30 years one of my children will be blogging about some horrifying thing I did that they had to get over. Hopefully when that happens I'll be as graceful as those in my family who've realized their mistakes and made amends for them.)

*People have been emailing me privately to ask if they can share this blog with people in their lives experiencing similar situations. By all means, pass my story along. I've gotten so many private responses, people sharing their personal stories with me, that I'm realizing sharing my story might do more than just help me through my process.*

My Childhood Sexual Abuse Story, Part 4

2012-01-26T06:00:00.000-05:00

I want to pause in my story to address the issue of forgiveness, as that's been a hot topic. But first I want to acknowledge Solomon Singer's first comment from yesterday (posting as "Sunshine"). He was right on the money with everything he said, but something in particular struck such a chord with me.

"It is because when someone treats another human being as a thing, as something less than, it paves the way for all other atrocities, and the only thing we can do to stop it, is to remove that person from positions where they can do harm."

I'd never really thought about it that way, that Floyd treated me as a "thing", as something "less than". But that's exactly what happened. And it explains why for the next 15-20 years of my life, I thought of myself as less than. I required nothing from people in regards to how they treated me, even within my own family. I let people say horrible things to me, I said nothing when people shunned me, I let people physically assault me, and never fought back. I tried to end my life, I kept putting myself in damaging relationships, went through a period of promiscuity, I even ended up almost working at a strip club. Those are behaviors of someone who thinks of themselves as "less than". You'd never think that a girl with an IQ as high as mine would ever find herself in these situations, but it proves how being treated as a "thing" when you're a child can damage you to such a degree that even your own brainpower can't overcome it....

Anyway. I can't say I've forgiven Floyd. I think that some in my family have, and others haven't. I don't feel guilty that I haven't forgiven him, everyone has a different process and timeline. Maybe I'll never get there. Maybe I'll be there tomorrow.

Would it help my process if Floyd ever actually asked ME for forgiveness, and not just my father? If he were living his life in a way that showed he was truly repentant? Who knows. But it would be something I'd consider. His 30 second confession to a room full of my shocked family and my scared 14 year old self isn't an apology. It's easy to confess to people/children who don't even realize what it was you did. Much harder to apologize to someone who's realized how horrible your crime was. It's easy to confess to my father, who has a heart bigger than the Milky Way and doesn't want to believe men can commit violent acts. Much harder to apologize to the woman who is no longer the scared teenager and knows EXACTLY what you did to her and her psyche.

One of my nieces had an great comparison. When an addict goes to AA, Step 9 is making amends. That process realizes that not only is it important for the person hurt to hear an apology, it's important for the person who caused the hurt to say that to those they hurt, and mean it. If Floyd had ever come to me when I was an adult and begged for my forgiveness, acknowledging the hideous nature of his crime, showing me the steps he had taken to get help for his disorder...who knows how my process would have changed in light of that knowledge.

In my opinion, a truly repentant man would have taken it upon himself to tell his children about his crime of his own volition and not pawn off that horrible task to his wife. A truly repentant man would want to show his daughters that he believes this kind of crime is atrocious, and would turn himself in so they would see what should happen to someone who does this to a child. If Floyd turned himself in today, that might be an act I'd consider as repentant.

Will him getting arrested and serving time inspire me to forgive him? I don't know. But again, forgiveness and consequence are separate. Apples and oranges. You can be forgiven, but that doesn't negate the consequences of the crime you committed. When you drive drunk and kill someone, even if you never touch another drop of liquor again and live your life as a teetotaler, you still have to pay the consequences for killing someone when you DID drink and drive.

If I had ever received as an adult, or even received now, an apology from Floyd, who knows what that might inspire in me. I am a forgiving person more often than not. I've forgiven others in my family in the past and continue to do so today.

Should I be able to forgive him even if he isn't repentant? Ah, utopia. I'm not there yet. I only just realized how badly he hurt me a minute ago, comparatively speaking. You can't forgive what you don't even know. Now that I know the gravity of what he did to me, I have to start this process all over again.

But like I said yesterday, forgiveness and physical proximity are not an if-then statement. My parents could have forgiven Floyd but still moved me across the country so I'd never have to see him again. My brothers could have forgiven Floyd but then ended their personal relationship with him. My sister could have forgiven him but then divorced him. Hindsight is 20/20 of course, and some in my family are realizing this. Hopefully our hindsight will improve another family's present vision...

Again, I want to thank everyone here and on Facebook and Twitter for your comments and emails. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Some have made me laugh out loud, some have made me cry silently. Some have made me cringe and some have made me cheer. I rolled my eyes at some and did a little dance at others. But every last one has been beautiful. After 25 years of never talking about it, the discussions that are breaking out all over the place make me almost unbearably happy. So please keep them coming! They are inspiring people and challenging people left and right.

(Also, keep in mind that I'm writing my story in manageable bits and pieces. There is so much more than what you're learned so far. God has been working and continues to work in my family. I love all of them and trust that God will heal us all in His time.)

My Childhood Sexual Abuse Story, Part 3

2012-01-25T06:00:00.000-05:00

(While the views expressed by the folks who commented on yesterday's posts are not all necessarily my own, I appreciate all of them, from those of you I know and from those who are strangers to me. Even Lindsay's. She got slammed because she chose to leave a comment, but she's just one representative of a group of people who think the way she does. Those people exist, the ones who think that when a woman or child is raped or molested, the parents should stop before they call 911 and think about the criminal's children, or his wife, or his status in life, or what football team he coached. Most criminals have children, wives, and families. It's gotta be incredibly hard to accept and deal with knowing your father is a criminal. Maybe almost as hard as it is to recover from being a child who was victimized by that criminal. It's a big pile of shit we're all in together. We all have to heal.)

After Melissa told her parents, they told my parents and Floyd confessed, my father called a family* meeting. My father was the pastor of a mid-sized traditional Baptist church at the time. Not all members of my family were there, but at that meeting Floyd was told to repent. I was 14 at the time, and mortified to be sitting there listening to this meeting. Floyd confessed that the molestation had happened ONE TIME. I was so embarrassed about the whole situation that I didn't contradict him. I just continued sitting on the edge of the couch staring at my hands, wanting to die. I knew he was lying, he knew he was lying, but I just wanted out of that room. My parents asked me to tell Floyd I forgave him. Being an extremely obedient child, I did what they wanted me to do.

From that moment on, for the next three years, the issue was never spoken of again to my knowledge. I believe but am not sure that Floyd was asked to step down from his position on the Board of Trustees at the church, but no reason was given. Floyd was never made to go to counseling, neither was I. No one asked me any questions about the molestation after that, no one ever asked me how I was doing. We just continued on as one big happy family. We all went to the same church and lived on the same street, so I saw Floyd all the time.

I loved my parents and always wanted to do what they wanted me to do, so when I realized the order of the day was to be kind to Floyd, I fell in line. I thought my darkest days were over because the actual abuse had ended, but in truth more darkness was just around the corner.

I finished high school and started college a year early, at 17. My year and a half in college was awful. I felt so out of place, couldn't make any friends, felt like I had nothing in common with anyone. I was carrying a heavy secret around and it made me feel like an alien. Everyone else around me was shiny and happy.

I was stalked by one of my professors for part of that time. He was in his mid-40s, older, married, and obviously picked me out of the herd as the weak one. He made me come for extra tutoring, and while I was in his office he befriended me and asked me all kinds of questions about myself. I was in such a dark place emotionally and was so happy that anyone was noticing my poor emotional health, that I vomited my story to him. For the next couple months he followed me around campus, left notes on my car, called my parents' home, wrote notes on my homework, etc. I left college because of him, I didn't have to strength then to get myself out of that mess.

During this time, a couple from my church noticed that I seemed distant. They invited me over for dinner and started plying me with questions about Floyd. They were being nosy, but I was just so happy again that someone was asking me about it that I opened up. I started thinking about it all again, and decided to tell my parents that Floyd was lying back when he first confessed.

After I told them this new information, my dad called another family meeting. All of my siblings and their spouses were at that one, and Floyd confessed that yes, he had lied 4 years earlier. That yes, the abuse had happened much more than ONE TIME.

That news still didn't change anything in my family. It was back to business as usual after the meeting was over. Let's all forgive Floyd and treat him the same as everyone else, even though he lied and would never have confessed to the truth if Suzanne hadn't forced the issue again. I went along yet again, even to the point of accepting a job at Floyd's company as his secretary for a few months, in lieu of going back to school. I was determined to show myself and everyone else that I was a strong Christian, that I was past it all, that I was sooo super forgiving. One of the worst decisions I ever made. Forcing myself to be in that situation made my emotional health so much worse than it already was. But no one questioned my choice, everyone seemed to think it was a great idea.

I met and married my first boyfriend very quickly after quitting that job....I was about to sink deeper into the depths of my personal internal hell.

I knew that what Floyd had done was intensely sick and wrong, but no one else save Melissa seemed to see it. I loved my family and trusted them, and I lived every day of my life struggling with what my common sense was telling me and what the adults I trusted most were leading me to believe. And apologies to Melissa, the fact that she was 10 years old led me to lean away fromr opinions towards the adults'. (Looking back now, how interesting it is to me that a 10 year old girl was the only one who had the right instincts.)

I didn't understand why my parents forced me to be around him. I understood that they had forgiven him, but I didn't understand why forgiveness and close proximity had to go hand in hand. You can forgive someone from afar. You can forgive someone and choose to never see or speak to them again.

I also didn't understand why forgiveness negated consequence. When I did something wrong as a child, my parents made me pay a consequence, even though they still loved me and forgave me. And the consequence they made me pay was always proportionate to the grievance committed. Forget to clean your room, slap on the hand. Steal the car, get everything you own taken away and stay in your room alone for a week. We'll still love you, but you pay the consequences.

So as a 14 year old, seeing Floyd escape TWICE with zero to microscopic consequence and seeing my parents forgive him and continue on having me live side by side with him was enough to screw my brain up for 25 years to come.

I'm not sure why Christians can't separate things.

*To clarify, when I use the term "family" in these posts, I'm referring to my immediate family; my parents, siblings, and their spouses. Not to the 2nd generation, they have no culpability in this story at all and weren't old enough to participate, some not even born yet during the time frame this story refers to. They are part of the effects of this story now of course, and were the main reason I didn't tell what Floyd was doing to me for 2 years, but when I question the handling of the situation, I'm not referring to them.

My Childhood Sexual Abuse Story, continued

2012-01-24T06:00:00.000-05:00

(...these posts are not necessarily written in chronological order, and were all written sometime in the past month or so.)

I called the state police department and reported the details of my abuse. The state trooper made an appointment for me to come in and give my statement. Melissa offered to go with me.

When we got there, a state trooper took me back to the room where they videotape statements. There was a representative there from the Victims Support group to go back with me, since Melissa wasn't allowed to. The trooper asked me to share my story, not leaving out any details. She said she'd stop me when she had questions.

We spent the next 90 minutes or so going over every detail of my molestation. She wanted to know every last detail, everything I could remember. She took down all of the contact information for everyone involved. She was so great. Her persona was very matter of fact, and she only cracked a couple of times during my story. There were a few "you're kidding me" moments from her. But she made me feel very comfortable, even with the two pistols in her exposed shoulder holster, enough to share all the ugly details. It was probably the most intense 90 minutes of my life, and the most freeing. I felt like I was doing what I was supposed to be doing, what should have been done 25 years ago by an adult in my life.

The trooper told me that the reason Melissa couldn't come back with me was because Melissa was the Outcry Witness and had to be interviewed next. Melissa was waiting for me out in the lobby, with no idea she was about to be called back.

We went back out to the lobby and the trooper took Melissa back next. She interviewed Melissa for another 45 minutes, asking her more personal questions about me; what kind of a child I was, etc. She asked Melissa about her impressions of Floyd, what kind of a person he was. Melissa spent so much time with me and my family during this time that she was a great person to answer those questions. Melissa was a rock star, as usual, but I could tell that she'd been crying when she came back out.

The trooper let us know what the next steps in the process would be. She was ready to get the ball rolling on an arrest. She was already planning on who else she wanted to interview in the family, who would be essential to help with the case.

That was a day I'll never forget. I'll never understand why my parents didn't do this then.

My Childhood Sexual Abuse Story

2012-01-23T06:00:00.000-05:00

It’s time to set the record straight. These are the facts of my childhood sexual abuse:

When I was 12, in 1986, my sister and her then husband Floyd Rupple lived in Halstead apartments in West Chester, PA. They had 2 young children at the time. One night I spent the night there. While watching television with Floyd that evening, he started tickling me and wrestling with me. I didn’t think anything of it, I was 12 and he was my sister’s husband. That night, I slept on their brown and orange plaid couch in the family room. The apartment was two story, the rest of the family was upstairs in their bedrooms.

Late that night/early the next morning, I woke up and realized Floyd was sitting on the couch next to me. I was laying on my back with my knees up, leaned in towards the high back of the couch. I was wearing a pink and white checked flannel nightgown that had buttons from the neck to the waist. The buttons had all been undone and Floyd had his left hand inside my nightgown on my breast, rubbing it. I kept my eyes closed, pretending to still be asleep. At some point, Floyd removed his hand from inside my nightgown and put them on my knees and tried to pull my knees apart, in what I can only assume was an attempt to get to my vagina. I kept my knees pressed tightly together, and in the next moment the upstairs hallway light came on and my sister was at the top of the stairs calling down to Floyd. He got up quickly and walked upstairs.

I got out of bed, remember looking at the clock on the VCR and seeing it was 2:15am. Went into the powder room hoping it didn’t really happen, but when I looked in the mirror all the buttons of my gown were undone. I can’t remember if it ever happened in this apartment again, they may have moved shortly after the incident.

The next times that Floyd molested me were in their Downingtown, PA townhouse. At this point I was old enough, 13 and 14 years old, to babysit for my sister. My parents would have me spend the night there when I babysat, so there were plenty of opportunities.

The times that he molested me there he progressed from just rubbing my breasts to pulling his penis out and masturbating while he touched me. While I didn’t know what ejaculating was at 12/13 years old, I remember getting the sense that there was an “end time” to him touching me, because his breathing would get heavier and he would squeeze my breasts harder, pinching my nipples, and then the molestation would stop. He would leave the room and I’d hear him go into the bathroom and turn the shower on.

It happened many times in this townhouse, but there are a few that I remember vividly:

Once he molested me while I was sleeping in the same room as his two young sons, who were around 8 and 5 years old. I remember that one vividly because I thought I was safe that night, having chosen to sleep in his sons’ bedroom.

Once I slept in his daughter Ashley’s room, because she had a door that locked. I locked the door, but he still got in. Afterwards I heard him go into the bathroom and run the shower/bath. The next morning as we all ate breakfast he made eye contact with me and said to me over the table, in front of his kids and my sister, “We don’t lock doors in this house”. I remember that time vividly because I had thought I’d be safe with the door locked, and because he had spoken of it in front of everyone.

He would also play “snatch the towel”, where he would come up behind me after I’d taken a shower and was wrapped in a towel, and snatch the towel off of me so that I was standing naked. He did that in front of my sister at least once that I can remember, because she said something to him casually about it, laughing.

To try to avoid the situation, I would try to come up with ways/places to sleep that would protect me. One night I took a bunch of blankets to the basement and wrapped myself up in each one like a burrito, with my arms plastered across my chest.

Another night I got a blanket and a pillow and slept under the dining room table, with all 8 of the chairs pulled in tightly around me.

One night at church, when I was 14, my best friend Melissa (who was 10 years old at the time) and I were hanging out with a bunch of the adults. Floyd and a guy named Mike started chasing Melissa and I around the church, trying to scare us. Floyd caught me and threw me to the ground and started ticking me. I started to get very embarrassed because Melissa and Mike were both standing there, and Floyd was stealthily touching me right in front of them. I was screaming at him to stop, and Mike must have gotten uncomfortable because he yelled at Floyd to stop.

The two men walked away and I started getting very upset and ended up telling Melissa about the abuse. I told her not to tell anyone. She kept my secret for 2 weeks, and then told her parents everything. They in turn told my parents. My father confronted Floyd, Floyd ended up confessing.

This story has been for all intents and purposes a secret for 25 years. There were no consequences for him for these actions. I am no longer keeping the details of this story, nor the identity of the pedophile who molested me, a secret .

Now what?

(Please feel free to leave comments, advice, your own memories from this time if you knew of this story back then...if you were part of FBC Newtown Square and you have memories from this time, please comment. All feedback is welcome.)

Old Dogs Can Get New Pics

2012-01-22T06:00:00.000-05:00

The old folks got some new pics. You'd never know they're old as dirt, would ya??

Colson's Minecraft Adventures Part 3

2012-01-21T12:05:00.002-05:00

Hopefully Colson's not being inappropriate in these videos, I haven't watched one all the way through yet...

Two Things

2012-01-19T06:00:00.000-05:00

I sent the kids to bed the other night. Ava came down to find Eric, and I heard her corner him in the kitchen, saying in her cute little girl voice, "Dad, two things....One, hurry up and come tuck us in. Two, you HAVE to tell us a story when you do."

Eric replied, "Oh, I HAVE to?? Or what?"

Still in her cute little girl voice, "Or I'll do something bad!"

5 minutes later he was upstairs telling them stories. He came downstairs afterwards mimicking her..."Dad, two things....two things."

The funniest part of this story is all that day I'd been getting all the people in my life to watch Homeland. I'd sent my dad, and Richard, and John and Karen Burns links and instructions on how to watch the whole season online. My dad had already watched a few episodes, Richard promised to watch them this weekend while Solomon was away, and John Burns was in the process of starting the first episode that night. I mentioned to John that my dad had already watched 4 episodes and really liked it. John said, "Good grief, do all the men in your life just do whatever you tell them to??"

I just smiled and typed..."Two things:"

(To Eric's credit, he is an expert storyteller. The kids die for his "When I was a little kid" stories. They'll do anything to get him on a roll at night...)

Is It Real, Or Is It Colson

2012-01-18T09:05:00.000-05:00

Colson likes to make up words that don't exist. He always has. I know that's not unique, for a child to make up words, but there are two reasons why Colson's habit is different.

One, his words sound like they should be real words. To the point that even I have to take a second and say to myself, "Oh wait, that's not a real word..."

Two, he uses them with such confidence and ease it confuses you into believing the word is real. They flow off of his tongue as if he's heard and said them all his life. That's a gift he inherited from his daddy.

Here are two examples of these words Cole uses, and how he used them in a sentence. There are so many more, but I always forget them.

Instantarily:

"The pirate instantarily changed forms and became the Evil Doctor of Doom."

Mysterical:

"I have a mysterical power that lets me know when anyone around me isn't telling the truth."

Tell me those words don't sound real......

Musical Apples And Trees

2012-01-17T06:00:00.000-05:00

Not that there was ever any doubt with my brother Andrew as his father, but my nephew @LittleRFL is going to grow up with the most eclectic taste in music. Here is his jamming out to the cool UK band, The Ting Tings......and here he is enjoying breakfast to the sounds of Lawrence Welk, understandably distracted from his Chex by the beautiful waltz.

He'll never have anything in common with his peers musically, but I'm betting the ladies will always swoon over his progressive, alternative coolness. Like father, like son..........

This Is Your Birthday Song...

2012-01-16T06:00:00.000-05:00

At midnight on my birthday, I was in a rehearsal room at the UCWDC World Championships in Orlando. Richard, John and Antoinette stopped dancing and burst out in song. It was something else. Then, Antoinette sang a little solo birthday song to me, the cutest song I ever heard. I tried to get her to sing it again on camera, but she wouldn't. I tried so hard, but that girl is STUH-BERN!!!!! She was awfully cute while refusing, though...

Clive and Emily, Triple World Champions

2012-01-13T06:00:00.000-05:00

My mentor Clive Stevens and his partner, my idol, Emily Drinkall, made history at Worlds, becoming the first dancers to win Male and Female Superstars (the top line dance division) individually and Classic Masters couples together at the same event. Here are their videos.In Superstars, they compete male and female, not against each other. They dance two compulsory dances and a solo. Here is Dance A:
And their Dance B:And here are their solos:In Classic Masters (which is the division Richard and I compete in), you dance a Smooth flight, a Rhythm flight, and a showdance. Here is Clive and Emily's Smooth flight: YouTube is blocking their Rhythm flight content, hmm....Well, here's their showdance (disabled audio, annoying). They chose to do a nightclub two step:Their wins were so deserved, sharing the floor with them was exciting as always.

Which M Wins?

2012-01-12T06:00:00.000-05:00

Richard and I are creating a logo for ourselves. We need opinions on the "M"s. This logo will be on jackets and bags that our students will wear at competitions.

We also toyed with the idea of M and M Dance, but since we don't own/operate a dance studio and these items will only be used at competitions, I thought Team M and M was more suitable. Also, a lot of other groups use "Whatever Dance", so Team seems more original to me. But I'm open to other opinions!

Colson's Minecraft Adventures Part 2

2012-01-11T06:00:00.000-05:00

Part 2 in Colson's Minecraft Adventure series:

Curly Sue Has A Flesh Eating Disease

2012-01-10T09:05:00.000-05:00

The Friday night look. Sasha hit a homerun, my favorite hair to date.

Worlds 2012

2012-01-09T13:30:00.003-05:00

Classic Masters, 2012. The best division in the UCWDC. The energy on the floor when we're all out there fighting for space is electrifying.

Colson's Minecraft Adventures

2011-12-30T06:00:00.000-05:00

Colson is obsessed with Minecraft. I bought him the game for his birthday, after he'd been talking about it for months. He talked about it so much that every time Ava heard the word "Minecraft" come out of his mouth, she'd slap herself in the forehead.

He's been watching these videos on YouTube that are about a family who plays Minecraft together. They talk through what they're doing. Here's one of them:

Well, I got Colson a video camera for Christmas. He decided he wanted to start making his own Minecraft videos. This is his first one. He's made changes to the format since this one, but he wanted to still keep them in order. Zach and Ava add commentary throughout. All 3 kids are talking about becoming "famous on YouTube".

Agent E

2011-12-29T07:52:00.003-05:00

I found this chat between Ava and my oldest brother Eric. I laughed until I cried. She was on a ROLL.

me: Dear Mr. Eric, You are a spy.
You have 2 new spy friends named Amy and Brooke
Make sure they are OK Agent A I mean Signed, Agent A (You are Agent E)
(Brooke is agent B) (Amy is agent AA)(No I am AA Amy is A because I have 2 A's in my name)

ARE YOU CLEAR?????????????

Eric: Sorry, I'm Zeno.

me: AM I CLEAR????????????

Eric: Don't bother me. I'm buying beer.

me: I AM QUEEN AVA x-( HOW DARE YOU!

Eric: Did.

me: GUARDS! TAKE HIM AWAY! TO THE DUNGEON! FOREVER! HIM! OVER THERE!

What do you mean you cannot? He's what? In the computer?

WHAT SECRET DEVICE IS THIS THING? (knocks on screen)

Tell me your secret, Agent E!!!

Eric: He's in the Google Nexus Prime.

me: Whaa? Google Nebix Preez? Google....Nexus...Prime?

TELL ME HOW YOU....you...umm....

TELL ME YOUR POTIONS, ON HOW YOU DID IT, AGENT E! x-(Or there will be consequences :-|

Guards!Get ready just in case. (Smiles an evil smile)

Eric: I spitteth on your agents.

me: You, WHAT????? spitteth? what is that? TELL ME!!!!!!

OR THE CONSEQUENCE! x-( ehem.

I'm waiting. you shall have 25 seconds.

25 24 23 22 21 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 10 9 8

SEVEN SIX!!!!!! FIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Three seconds sir!!! x-( THREE!!!!!!!

Guards! Get ready! And slow down the timer to 2 minutes instead of seconds.

Wahahahaha!! You have 2 min. to tell me. Yell when.

Wahahahaha! Oh, stay in the dungeon until that happens.

Wahahahaha, Wahahhahaha! (While you are in the dungeon)

Guards You have 60......what?No, not that, that happend a century ago, it cannot hapen again happen

Well......huh? Get all the nobles Rise and go(walks and sits in throne)

(Taps fingers on chair) Nobles!!! x-( Rise Tell me Is this talk about the macadam supper really true?

Macenzee.......What? No! No, of course not. Yes, well it's...........nuhuh.

(Calls for Guards)Kate just made a big mistake.

Take her down to the cellar. And use the chopstick multi power Please.

X-( x-( (coughs) Leave my sight nobles, except Molly.

Ahem. Molly, you are now moving up to the next level. now you are affitially a grand noble.

(Molly bows and thanks Queen Ava) Rise, My Fellow.

Now leave, go study Agent E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cummere! x-( Guards! GUARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Arise and go get Agent E!! (They come back with Agent E)

Agent E, are you ready to tell me? Ye spitteth?

AGENT E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TAKE HIM TO THE CELLAR NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

x-( AGENT E YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!!!

Sigh* Let me email another Agent

Bonnie? Andrew? Bethany? Daddy? Jan? Colson? Brianne? Bob? Zachary? Pop?

Let me do Agent C for, COLSON!!!!!!!!!!8 minutes

me: There agent C will be here any time now Guards! Get Agent E... B-)

Agent E......of course!!! I was expecting you.

Tell me your passcode Don't worry, no harm will be done, just need your passcode!

Eric: Sorry, I just got back from Peru. I locked your guards up in Machu Pichu.

me: :-o Whaa?Ahem. Those were just my guards, honey. :)

I have knight, nobles, and other Agents :):) knightsKnights!

Eric: Days!

me: Knights cummere! What...Agent E.......what are days....not days as in sun, clouds, daytime day........

Knights with a K not nights with a N Knight Caleb!!!!!!!!!!!!

Get Professer Herbin

Wait a moment Agent E hmm huh hmm hmm

While he is gone.... (Pulls out sword from pocket)lol Puts up to Agent E's neck TELL ME YOUR PASSCODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HeeheeheeNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IS IT 557w20hkn02wq7????

IS IT W2757365HFJHRYGNED848576NDHF???

JEFJKERUYGEJH9547676947O96493769476KDFGJKL8954IO6JF89TJRUITGHERTUI?????????????

TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!throws sword onto groundddddddddddddddddddddddddddKNIGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KILL IM' !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They fight with Agent E 2 knights die no wait no one dies

Agent E picks up sword from the ground NOW 2 knights die Go Knights!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another knight dies

a horse dies

A man dies

3 knights die

Another 5 knights join

Some nobles are cheering for Agent E so they start fighting the knights3 to be exact

A noble dies

2 Knights die

Queen Ava Escapes

The pastor gets murdured no just kidding lol

another knight dies

5 more nobles join

2 knights join

a noble dies

Agent E looses a finger

A noble dies

3 knights join

a knight dies

2 nobles join

a knight die s

A horse dies

a man falls off his horsethis man dies

a noble dies

end of war:) u won

Pastor comes into lobby and sees all the dead people then he sees Agent E

He runs away

Queen Ava looks into the room

Uh ohShe says

She runs downstairs

UCWDC Worlds From Your Bedroom

2011-12-28T08:28:00.000-05:00

For those who are interested in watching the UCWDC World Championships next week, Globaldancetv is offering access for $24.95. The videos won't be live, but they post them fairly quickly after each session is complete. You have access to all the videos until the end of February. If you do end up buying access, I will be dancing in the following sessions:

ProAm Newcomer with Stan, Tuesday 9a-2p
ProPro Classic with Solomon, Tuesday 6:30-10p
ProAm Novice with Paul, Wednesday 10a-2p

And the big one, Masters Classic with Richard, Friday night at 10. You will also see Clive and Emily in this session

Masters Showcase is on Saturday night at 9:30, don't miss that one either! You get to see my besties John and Antoinette in this session, as well as Marc and Sylvie.

More sessions that will be exciting:
Div.1 on Saturday at 12:30. Div. 1 is going to be HOT this year, lots of interesting couples! I'm rooting for Rodney and Shannon Berry, I die for her style. Michael and Penny will be hard to beat though, they're both former Masters/Masters qualified.

Line Dance Superstars, Thursday night at 8. DEFINITELY not to be missed! Clive Stevens is back for his last hurrah at Superstars! He's dancing a farewell solo, even I haven't seen it yet. And Emily Drinkall will be kicking Female Superstar tail, you won't be able to keep your eyes off of her.

ProAm Female Advanced on Friday morning at 9, these girls are NOT messing around.

The variety show is at 7:30 on Saturday night.

I Can't See That

2011-12-27T10:13:00.002-05:00

Ava put this sign up near the Christmas tree a few days after we put the tree up.

Apparently the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" horrified her, and she needed to make sure it didn't happen in her house.

Shady Maple!

2011-12-24T08:07:00.000-05:00

Nothing says Christmas Eve like Amish food. So we're off to the Shady Maple Smorgasbord!

We Prefer Coarsely Chopped Words Over Minced Ones

2011-12-23T08:53:00.000-05:00

Found this funny instant message exchange between my daughter and my mother (who works at a cemetery). Just to let everyone know I come by my strangeness naturally.

Ava: whatcha doin?
Jan: burying people

I Can't Read The Directions For Putting Together New Mom!

2011-12-21T06:00:00.000-05:00

My brother Andrew sent an email to my daughter yesterday.

Say hey ... when are you coming over to spend the night w/ Robert and us?

Its like, you haven't been here since you were the age you were before your last birthday ... and that's a really long, long, long time ago, don'tchya think? I mean, come on already ... enough's enough.

Its about time you walk up to your mother dear and say, "Mom, when can I spend the night and Andrew, Kathy, and Robert's home? Its like you won't let me go anymore. Please, please, please, pretty please with non-cancer enfused sugary sweetener on top?"

That should work ...

If not ... then ask your dad to replace her. IKEA has a sale on recycled moms after Christmas.

No wonder he's all the Lewis grandkids' favorite uncle.

Double Trouble

2011-12-20T06:00:00.000-05:00

My firstborn turns 10 today. We enter the era of double digits.

Monday Mornings With Zachary

2011-12-19T06:00:00.000-05:00

Remember Rolf Harris? I posted about his Australian amazingness awhile back. Well, the kids' favorite song of his is King Caractacus.

The kids were singing their favorite line of the song, the last one, in the car. I had to videotape it. Cole does it best, Zach just "mm hmmm mmm"'s along until the end.

Did I Just See A White Elephant???

2011-12-17T06:00:00.000-05:00

It's Mosley Cocktail Party 2011 time!

Will this happen again tonight???!?!

This pic is to remind Brooke that she was hot before, and will be hot again in no time at all... ;)

Ava's latest portraits.

2011-12-15T10:03:00.001-05:00

Not A Namesake, But A Facesake

2011-12-14T06:00:00.001-05:00

So Zach looks just like Eric, Ava looks just like me, but who does Colson look like? Sure, he's got some Eric traits and some Suzanne traits, but who does he look the most like? Here's your answer: MY MOTHER! I mean, the likeness is astounding...he's got deeper set eyes and downturned eyebrows, like Eric, but otherwise he's my mother reincarnated.

Reason Is So Maddening

2011-12-13T06:00:00.001-05:00

Zachary got mad at Ava yesterday and yelled at her, "YOUR BUTT SMELLS LIKE POOP!"

She very calmly responded, "It's supposed to".

He got so mad he ran into his room, slammed his door and proceeded to bang his head against it for 10 minutes. He hasn't quite realized that "getting to Ava" requires way more forethought.

The unsalted peanut has finally arrived! Welcome, Charlotte Ruth Smyth!

2011-12-12T07:13:00.001-05:00

You Sunk My Battleship!

2011-12-10T06:00:00.000-05:00

It's Andrew and Suzanne, all over again..........

Older And Better

2011-12-09T06:00:00.000-05:00

Happy birthday to the sweetest, smartest, sexiest 43 year old around.

Zach and his best friend Luke. Out of control.

2011-12-08T08:19:00.001-05:00

Stupidest Christmas Tree

2011-12-07T06:00:00.000-05:00

Last year around Christmas I went into Wawa to grab something. While I was in there I heard the most annoying Christmas song playing over the loudspeakers. I got back in the car with the kids muttering about the annoying song. They asked me what it was, and made me sing it to them. They laughed so hard at the song that I went on to iTunes on my phone and downloaded the song for them.

It has now become their favorite Christmas song of all time. So I give you Nat King Cole's Happiest Christmas Tree. You'll be bashing yourself in the head with a hammer in 8 hours when you can't get it out of your head....

Merry Christmas

King Solomon's Waltz

2011-12-06T06:00:00.002-05:00

Solomon, who competes in the ProPro division with me, took first place in every dance in Birmingham this past weekend. My favorite of our dances by far was our waltz.

Monday Mornings With Zachary, Featuring Gavin Tygh!

2011-12-05T12:00:00.001-05:00

Be sure to watch Melissa's son Gavin help his Pop Warner football team advance to the next round in Florida!

Ava's Fashions

2011-12-04T06:00:00.000-05:00

Red turtleneck and tights with a black and white plaid skort. What could be Christmasier? Somehow it morphed into a white shirt later in that day; I'm assuming I was being a spaz about not getting the white shirt dirty.

Tables Of Cards

2011-12-03T06:00:00.000-05:00

The only reason Colson and Gavin like when Melissa and I want to go to Chili's.

The Daily Ava Report

2011-12-02T06:00:00.001-05:00

The other day Ava was playing Newscaster Barbies in the hallway. I overheard her interviewing one of her barbies, who had survived an explosion. Explosion Survivor Barbie told this sad story:

My brother died in the explosion because he was allergic to fire, but I didn't care because I didn't like him anyway. My parents didn't love him either, because he was so darn dumb. After he died the doctors cut open his head and found there was no brain. We were not surprised.

Dancin' In Dixie, & How-Tos For The Weekend

2011-12-01T06:00:00.002-05:00

Headed to Birmingham today for the Christmas In Dixie event. Haven't been to this event since I lived in Nashville many years ago. Should be a fun event, lots of my favorite dancers will be in attendance.

In other news, this video is for Eric, a little reminder of how to do Ava's hair this weekend.

And, in case anyone needs this information, how to work Zachary's nebulizer to do his breathing treatments.

In other dance related news, I came across these old photos of Richard and I. Um, how skinny were we?? I forwarded them to Richard, he asked, "Good lord, what were we doing back then to look so thin?"

Being young, Richard....being young.....

Swallow, Fido!

2011-11-30T06:00:00.000-05:00

My friend John Burns has many quirks. I could blog for a year and still not hit on them all. But here's a fun one: he can't swallow a pill! He has to chew them up with water for a LOOONG time. I had to get video proof. By the time I started this video, he'd already finished one and had two more to take. Yes, 1:44 is how long it took him to take two pills. I kept wanting to do the dog thing where you put the pill way down in a dog's throat and then rub its throat up and down real hard to make it swallow....

I heart John Burns.

The Red Of The Gods

2011-11-29T06:00:00.000-05:00

Okay, this is why most women hate Melissa. I've told you about her always finding the perfect everything. Well, she walked in to a diner the other day with this on her fingernails...THE PERFECT SHADE OF RED POLISH FOR A BLONDE! You know how hard that is to find?? It made me want to slap her 7 times across the face.

Monday Mornings With Zachary

2011-11-28T08:02:00.002-05:00

Zach stole Eric's phone and iMessaged me on Saturday after his basketball class.

This is Zach. basticbol was god!!!! :-)

I will forever and always call it basticbol.

WILL IT EVER END???

2011-11-26T06:00:00.000-05:00

Sometimes ProAm sessions last so long Richard goes crazy, grabs my undergarments and runs around with them on his head...

Bigotry Is Born When We Add Modifiers

2011-11-25T06:00:00.002-05:00

"Or as I like to call it, Friday...."

I Thank The Bank For The Money, Thank God For You

2011-11-24T06:00:00.002-05:00

(The title? Come on y'all, vintage Sawyer Brown!)

While I'm most grateful for this cute bunch today, I'd like to take a minute to be grateful for my friends. Oh yes, I have a few of them, don't look so shocked...

First, the original and still the best, Melissa. She's the devil on my left AND the angel on my right. How else would she be able to stick around so long...

While changing their dirty diapers, I never thought that my 4 oldest nieces would grow up to be 4 of my best friends, but here we are.

the one I'd go on a field trip with any day of the week, Bonnie May

the one I love getting late night calls from, Brianne Elizabeth

the one who knows what I look like doing "Superman! BANANA!", Brooke Suzanne

and the one who feels my sweat pain, Bethany Gates.

My dance partner Richard, who became one of my best friends our first Christmas as partners when he looked at me and said, "So...I like you, you like me, we don't have to get gifts for each other, right?" And then solidified our friendship when he later said, "Um, my dead gramma in her casket can spin faster than you." And his partner Solomon, who is wickedly intelligent but still treats me like a goddess. Bizarre, I know.

Hold on, I'm going to go so far as to add two more, who over the past year have become peas to my carrots. Everyone's Sugar Daddy, John Burns, who makes this list not just because his grammar is as good as mine, but because he gets me even though he doesn't like to admit it. (I'd add his wife Karen to this list but she's prettier than I, so screw that idea...)

..and the beautiful Antoinette Santoro, who makes me laugh for real, not the fake laugh that I usually use around most of you. Her sense of humor is so much larger than her chest, thank goodness, which is basically just average....

There! See? I have friends!

(Now, to hope that none of these people comment on this post with, "What? Who are you? Do I know you??")

Bethany Has Arrived

2011-11-17T06:00:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's too soon, but even propriety can't hold funny back...a conversation from last week, between EMo, myself and Bethany:

Me: I had a light lunch today so I could pig out today.

EMo: Ugh, not me. I had a huge lunch. I went to this burger joint and had this amazing burger called a "Penn State" burger. Do you want to know what it had on it?

Me: Um, young boys?

EMo: Ha ha very funny, no.

(At this point I iMessaged Bethany, a Penn State grad, into our conversation. I repeated the previous exchange to her, asking her if it was too soon. She replied:)

Beth: Bah. And I do still want to know what was on the burger.

Me: Ok, to start with, 2 hamburger patties. DIPPED IN BATTER AND DEEP FRIED.

Beth: Ugh, gross. So the Penn State connection is what? The shame you feel after?

EMo and I erupted in laughter. EMo, from whom a compliment, especially one that is richly deserved, is never given, said, "She's funny!" (I think that was the most commas I've ever put into one sentence.)

Pianist

2011-11-16T06:00:00.001-05:00

The New Girl, on Fox. I love it. This scene where one of her roommates is trying to get Jess to say the word penis made me laugh out loud more than once. She had accidentally seen him naked and wanted him to have a mature conversation about it.

Ava's Fashions

2011-11-13T06:00:00.001-05:00

Brown and pink, a combination that can't be beat. Especially cute in a family photo.

Who Needs Sleep?

2011-11-12T06:00:00.001-05:00

Pre-Pink Pajama Sleepover party last night. Ava, Sophia and I, waiting for the crowd of girls to arrive.

It's Not The Size Of The Package

2011-11-11T06:00:00.001-05:00

My smallest baby, weighing in at a petite 9lbs 14oz, turns 9 today. Turns out good things come in big packages too.

Accountability Is Not About Fault

2011-11-10T08:13:00.003-05:00

I like how my brother Eric relates the Joe Paterno PSU situation to his experience in the Navy.

Accountability's not about fault. Drilled into my head in the Navy. You get to be the captain of a Navy vessel, you get lots of perks. But when it runs aground, they don't ask questions; you're gone. The captain knows, he immediately starts packing his bags. If it happens on your watch, you own it. Of course the flip side was true... any & all good things that happen accrue to you. That's the deal JoePa made, and he was compensated quite nicely. Now it's time to pay the piper. - Eric Lewis

Nothing Says Football Like Phil Collins

2011-11-09T06:00:00.003-05:00

Eagles/Bears game last night. Just before the game starts and in between quarters, party music is pumped through the stadium. Usually classic 80s rock anthems and such. Last night, just after a high point in the game, a touchdown maybe, the music starts blasting again. But something was off. I almost snorted by Diet Pepsi when Eric turned to me and said:

"Ah, a little "In The Air Tonight" always gets me pumped up."

Truths

2011-11-08T06:00:00.001-05:00

2011 is going to go down in my personal history as being the year I finally dealt with and SAID the truth. Truth. With nothing else. Just truth. Not truth "as I see it". Not truth covered by hate and anger and happiness and love, but just truth. Black and white. Calling things what they are. Ducks ducks, and spades spades, and pedophiles pedophiles. Here are a just a few of those truths:

Do you know what's scarier than monsters, especially to a kid? For everyone else around them to call that monster a nice person. That's a guaranteed way to make that kid's brain mush for a nice long time.

It's not un-Christian to say true things.

It's not un-Christian to be loyal to one person over another.

Forgiveness and trust are not and should not be synonymous.

Forgiveness and physical proximity do not have to go together.

Life is about choices. This or That. One or The Other. Yes or No. Choosing "both" is the same as not choosing. It's weak, and while it may seem like a lovely option in the beginning, will always lead to pain in the end.

Monday Mornings With Zachary, Featuring Eric

2011-11-07T07:23:00.002-05:00

At the Eagles/Cowboys game on October 30th, with my student Stan and his wife Barb. That big smile on Eric's face while he sings is the reason I hightailed it from Panama City through 4 airports to get him to that game.

Variations On A Theme

2011-11-04T06:00:00.001-04:00

My next dance competition is in Birmingham the first weekend in December. We Pros were asked to send in workshop titles that had a Christmas theme. Unbeknownst to each other, Solomon and I had sent in workshop titles based around Christmas songs (shock). We shared our titles with each other, and then spent at least 15 minutes shooting other titles at each other, spiraling deeper and deeper into our Word Lover's Hell, as we often do....

Solomon: My workshop titles for Christmas In Dixie are:
Do You Hear What I Hear? Finding the Rhythm in your Cha-Cha
O Little Waltz of Birmingham

me: lol
Mine were Two Steppin' Around The Christmas Tree
and It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like East Coast

Solomon: I love it

me: great minds

Solomon: I was trying to think of something with What Child is this
Like "What West Coast is This?"
But I thought it might be too obtuse

me: yes

Solomon: There was also "Triple Two is Coming to Town"

me: lol

Solomon: Oh Holy Lead
Jesus Christ, you call that Night Club?

me: Come, They Told Me Po-po-po-po Polka

Solomon: Shall I Schottiche for you?
Oh Come All Ye Pony Swingers

me: lol
lol

Solomon: We Need A Little Compression

me: LOL

Solomon: Hark the Heralds Like to Swing

me: LOL
I'm Dreaming of The Right Footwork
I Saw Mommy Leading Santa Claus

Solomon: I'm scaring my dogs with my laughter right now

me: Lol

Solomon: Waltzing in a Winter Wonderland
We'll Night Club 2 Christmas
Dreidl, Dreidl, Dreidl, a class on turn technique

me: All I Want For Christmas Is To Not Be Pulled

Solomon: All I want for Christmas is for you to move when you're supposed to
:P

me: Lolplolololol
I'll Be Balanced For Christmas

Solomon: Joy to the world, you didn't fall

me: LOLOLOL
Deck The Halls With Golds With Honors

Solomon: LOL
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, May no one ye disable!

me: Lol

Solomon: Go Lead it on the Dancefloor

me: LOL
We Three Queens Of Orient Are, Stealing Your Wives And Dancing Them AFar

Solomon: (Although, to be fair, of all of us - I'm the only one vaguely oriental)

me: Let It Lilt, Let It Lilt, Let It Lilt

Solomon: Where are you, Connection?

me: LOLOLOL
someone should pay us for this

Solomon: I think we should shop around the concept
I'll work on a powerpoint presentation

me: Excellent
Theme based workshop titles, has to be a huge market for that

Solomon: Yes, people would be willing to pay big pennies for it

me: Perhaps even quarter sized pennies

Solomon: Oooh!
Okay, got to go do laundry

me: There's No Position Like Contra For The Holidays...
or...Come On It's Lovely Weather For A Syncopated Feather With You!!
*Ending on a high note*

Solomon: Definitely! I was teaching one of those last night!
You even got the meter right

me: Of course

Feel free to leave your own Christmas song themed dance workshop titles in the comments section. And fellow pros, feel free to steal a workshop title or two, but you must give Solomon and I credit. We put many minutes of effort into coming up with these...almost as much effort as we put into our Pro-Pro routines.

Hippies At The Shore

2011-11-03T06:00:00.001-04:00

Showdance from Panama City. I just can't seem to get the speed right. At this speed it seems snoozy. We practice it to a speed that seems great, but then when we dance it in a show, it seems slow again. It's so hard to account for adrenalin, I wish I could come up with an equation.

Waltzin' At The Beach

2011-11-02T06:00:00.000-04:00

Classic Waltz from Panama City. It's definitely getting better. Not quite where I want it to be yet, but closer....thanks to Stan for taping this!

Brick Walls

2011-11-01T06:00:00.001-04:00

No doubt this is Colson's Christmas dream; to wake up to his room looking like this.

Ava's Tent Pitcher

2011-10-29T06:00:00.000-04:00

Ava's drawing of our family on a camping trip. The funniest part about this picture is that the ghost wasn't there originally. When she brought the drawing to Eric and I, we were laughing so hard at Colson freaking out, imagining what he was freaking out about. Ava snatched the picture out of our hands and added the ghost, but we'd liked it even better pre-ghost. It had looked like Colson was scared by Ava's flashlight, or by Eric's snoring, which was super funny.

I really enjoy Ava's crossed legs and the stake through the tent.

Guess I'm A Cat 5

2011-10-28T06:00:00.000-04:00

Before I left for Panama City, I said to Eric:

Me: Hurricane Rina is headed for Mexico, aren't you worried for me??

Eric: No. I'm more worried for the hurricane.

Absolutes Never Stand In This House

2011-10-27T06:00:00.001-04:00

Zach: Dad, are lima beans a fruit?

Eric: No, they're a vegetable. Anything with "bean" in the name is a vegetable.

Ava: (yelling from the other room) Uh, jelly beans???

More from the expressionista.

2011-10-26T07:11:00.001-04:00

Cole got in trouble last night. I found this drawing in his room after he fell asleep.

2011-10-25T11:11:00.001-04:00

Monday Mornings With Zachary

2011-10-24T09:55:00.002-04:00

What Zach wants to be when he grows up, and other fun tidbits as he chats with me while I'm in the bathtub.

Which Aunt's Bread Do I Butter?

2011-10-23T08:05:00.001-04:00

An instant message chat between my sister and my daughter, in which my sister makes sure my daughter knows the Relative Ranking System.

me: hello aunt

Amy: hello #5 neice

me: i could me #1

Amy: how?

me: (if i was your favorite)...
:):)

Amy: well of course you are a favorite
you know why?
because your mom is my only sister!!!!!

me: :):)

Amy: so that makes you special!!

me: but i still have another aunt you know...2

Amy: i know....

me: kathy and sue
right
?

Amy: yes
but they are aunts by 'marraige'
i am an aunt by 'blood'
do you know the difference?

me: yes... i have uncles that are married and that's could be not my aunt and another lady could be but if my mom is my mom then you have to be my aunt

Amy: your other aunts are married to your 'blood uncles; -- and i am your aunt because i am blood related to your mom

me: i know
:):)

Amy: your uncles will always be your uncles
Sue/kathy if the get divorced wont be your aunts anymore

me: i know......................yeah...Ed too??

Amy: ed is your uncle - but your uncle 'by marraige'
he is not 'blood related;
make sense?

me: uh huh

Amy: smart girl

me: :):)

Amy: and i am a smart aunt

me: sure
:P
bye

Zach's Awana Face

2011-10-22T06:00:00.000-04:00

During the Awana closing program they show a slideshow of pictures from that year. I always love these pictures, because I didn't take them. It's fun to see pictures of your kids in places that you aren't and with expressions you don't always get to see.

My Blog Post, In A Dress

2011-10-21T06:00:00.000-04:00

The other day the kids and I were at Chili's having lunch with Melissa and her kids. Gavin and Colson were sitting by themselves at another table, building castles with coasters and salt shakers and then throwing sugar packet "bombs" at the other's castle, scoring points when they'd breach a wall. Ava and Sophia were at our table, drawing. Ava was asking Melissa and I what she should draw, we'd give her an idea and she'd draw it. After we'd given her some ideas like "Dancing vegetables",

"An elephant doing ballet",

and, "Melissa wearing a bathing suit and teaching a class",

Ava decided to draw one of her own ideas. She drew, "those wind up teeth",

and then things started to get really funny. I should mention that when we get all the kids together, Ava's favorite thing is to subtly tease Gavin, Melissa's oldest son (he's 12). Ava loves to try to get him to laugh by doing things that could be taken as slightly mean, but she does it with a cute little giggle. So she started drawing a picture, and she was giggling to herself the whole time. Finally she showed it to us:

She said, "It's me and Sophia and Zachary, and we're all happy. But Colson and Gavin are mad because they're wearing dresses!!!" She couldn't stop laughing while she said all that. Melissa and I were cracking up (how can you not? Look at Gavin and Cole, they have their hands on their hips and expressions on their faces like "Who the heck drew these stupid dresses on us???"), and Ava decided to take it over to show Colson and Gavin. They rolled their eyes at her, but she was giggling so hard I thought she was going to choke. She came back to our table and started drawing furiously again. She was whispering to Sophia, "This one is SO BAD!!" We made her show it to us, and it was this:

"It's Cole and Gavin getting married to each other!!" *tee hee hee hee hee hee!!!!* Melissa and I spit out our Diet Pepsi, we laughed so hard. Colson's dress with the puffed sleeve put it over the edge. Well, Ava ran it over and paraded it in front of Gavin and Cole. She was doubled over and could barely breathe at how funny she thought this picture was. She returned to our table, and grabbed the pad of paper. Next came this hysterical one: Gavin, who is in reality a huge football star, playing football in a dress:

Then we got Colson playing piano in a dress:

I have to give Gavin all the credit in the world. He was a great sport about it all. Colson is used to it, he barely blinked when Ava shoved these drawings in his face. He gets it at home all the time. But Gavin has probably never experienced someone drawing pictures of him in a dress before. And he took it like a man, just rolling his eyes and shaking his head.

Gavin started telling us all that he and his best friend wanted to be a banana and a gorilla, respectively, for Halloween, and go out in the neighborhood together as such. So Ava drew this picture of G and HF. When asked who HF was, she says, "His Friend!"

Then she said, "I'm going to draw Gavin as a banana in his dream world", (cause that's a normal thing to draw), and drew the next two pictures.

She was on a roll that day. It's so entertaining when my naturally introverted daughter feels comfortable enough to put it all out there, because she's wicked funny.

Google Is My Blind Spot

2011-10-20T06:00:00.001-04:00

Me: Whenever I wake up and the lights are off, I have a huge blind spot in my right eye. I mean, it's so big that it's as if I have a patch over that eye. But as soon as I turn the lights on, the blind spot goes away. It's like night vision blindness or something.

Me: I was Googling it to try to figure out what it is.

Eric: Um, did you ever think of Optometrist-ing it??

Words Are Fun

2011-10-19T06:00:00.000-04:00

Zachary says the best random things sometimes. Yesterday he was taking an online test. When he finished it, he came to me to find out what he had to do next. I asked him how he had done on the test. He said, "I think I did okay, but I don't remember what percentage I got". I said, "You're cute when you say percentage".

To which he immediately replied, "Thanks Mom! You're cute when you say fart".

I was away this past weekend. Came home to find Ava had made this sign for the bread drawer. She takes over as me when I'm gone...love it.

2011-10-18T07:52:00.001-04:00

Monday Mornings With Zachary

2011-10-17T08:44:00.001-04:00

Upper Perk Robotics giving their mid-year update. Cole is on Team A and Ava is on Team B. The video concludes with pictures and videos of their Lego League sessions so far this year.

De Plane, De Plane!

2011-10-14T06:00:00.001-04:00

Ava's been drawing faces in this new way recently. With the buggy eyes and the jawlines and foreheads....I kind of love them.

Get To Know Colson

2011-10-13T06:00:00.000-04:00

Colson's "Get To Know Me" slide from the first month of school.

Oxymoronic Oily Body Part Idioms

2011-10-12T06:00:00.000-04:00

So, applying elbow grease means that you're doing really hard, honest work, but greasing someone's palm means you're bribing someone. Discuss.

Peanuts And Cracker Jacks

2011-10-11T06:00:00.000-04:00

Some fun pictures Ava drew on the subject of baseball. Above is a picture of her and Eric, and below is a cute stick person baseball game. I'm dying over the stick men squatting with their hands on their knees.

Monday Mornings With Zachary

2011-10-09T08:18:00.003-04:00

I found a video yesterday that the kids made themselves. In it, you get to see Ava's comedic prowess, Zach's hilarious dance moves, and Cole's, well, general bossiness....

At around 8:11, Ava adds one of her comedic touches to this video, and it made me laugh out loud. For most of the video she's just smacking her own butt, but every now and again, when Cole's not looking, she sneaks in her wacky humor. Jazz hands from behind the camera at 11:22 made me snicker.

At 10:19 Colson finally adds something to this video by rockin' out the retarded air guitar.

It's a long video, but there are some great moments. I'm sure the only people who will make it through the whole thing are Luke and Sophia Tabasso, but the rest of you can try...

Ava's Fashions

2011-10-09T06:00:00.002-04:00

I love this picture of my Renaissance girl playing in the garden with her abacus.

But I love this picture of my metamodernist girl even more.

Bet Those Shoes Didn't Last Long...

2011-10-08T06:00:00.002-04:00

This much cuteness in one picture should be illegal. There's just no chance of this baby being hard to look at, is there....

(my niece Brooke, her husband Jeff, and the unsalted peanut)

Never Say Never

2011-10-07T06:00:00.000-04:00

Driving home from homeschool co-op yesterday, the kids were listening to the Kidz Bop version of the Bieb's "Never Say Never".

Zachary was sitting up front with me, and he was listening to the lyrics pretty intensely. During the first chorus, after hearing the Bieb say, "I will never say never...", Zachary said to no one in particular, "Uh, you just said it."

After Justin sang it again, "I will never say never...", Zachary again muttered, "...And now you just said it again."

At the end of the song Zach said quietly, after counting on his fingers, "Mom, I think he said "never" at least 27 times."

He Funny

2011-10-06T06:00:00.001-04:00

I came home from practice last night to find Eric in bed, reading on his laptop.

Me: Hi love! What are you doing?

Eric: Steve Jobs is dead, iGrieving.

Speedy Checkout OCD

2011-10-05T06:00:00.000-04:00

Is this obsessive? I load my groceries onto the belt by category. Breads, boxes, dairy, cans, meats, produce, health and beauty...I think I started doing it because in the time it took the ~~cadavers~~ cashiers at Walmart to load my bags I could've started my own farm, planted crops, lived through a couple of droughts, and harvested enough food to start my own food conglomerate.

Spoken Word

2011-10-04T06:00:00.000-04:00

Zachary had to read something out loud the other day, to improve his public speaking. He did it once, and then wanted to try it again with "more expression".

Ava's Fashions

2011-10-02T06:00:00.000-04:00

Long before Katy Perry and Lady Gaga, there was Ava Mosley.

Green Thumbs

2011-10-01T06:00:00.000-04:00

Colson and Ava making gardens, circa 2006.

Anything Can Be Anything Else

2011-09-30T06:00:00.000-04:00

Next to the word "utilitarian" in the dictionary is a picture of my sister. Maybe even this picture of my sister. No toothpick around when you're in a fancy restaurant and there's a little chicken stuck between your molars? Not a problem, especially when you're wearing pierced earrings!

The Larger The Family, The Less Freaks

2011-09-29T06:00:00.001-04:00

One of the greatest benefits of having a large family; relatability. The larger your family, the less chance you have of being a freak. You can't be a freak when there's someone else just like you in your family. And there's bound to be someone else with your same issue, skill, disability, whatever when you can barely count how many cousins you have.

For instance, Cole got his first migraine yesterday, and now has to deal with that. "You've got migraines? Papa and Brookey get those too, you can talk to them about how they deal with it!"

That phrase could go on and on for days. "You've got diabetes? Kyle's got diabetes, you can talk to him!" "You wet the bed? Your mom wet the bed 'til she was 13, you can talk to her!" "You want to be a wedding coordinator? Your Uncle Ed was a wedding coordinator, you can talk to him!" "You stole your mom's car and drove to Nashville? Talk to Nathan!"

And on.........and on........................and on.

It's to the point where you have to work hard to be the first anything around here. Although Zachary was the first with asthma, so he's got that going for him.